Things Fundi's Say - On the "M" word

I found an old red book my parents gave to me a long time ago. It's a treasure trove of quotes on the insanity of religious fundamentalism. But the whole masturbation topic stuck out the most.

... at the same time, you may have a certain wonderment and curiosity about your own rapidly changing body.... Should you experiment with your sex organs? Is there anything wrong with rubbing them in some way until the excitement is climaxed?

So, at first sounding a little like your standard puberty talk. Except, ... wait, "sex organs", is it really so hard to say GENITALS? We can't use proper terms like penis and vagina, can we? That might help fight against sexual abuse or something.

...Do you agree that because in today's world masturbation is a very common thing, this makes it a natural, normal function of the body? Lying and stealing are also common today....

Poor Timmy, if only he hadn't have touched himself, he would never have stolen that TV and be in jail now.

... In this connection note that, when the apostle counselled persons who were 'inflamed with passion,' he did not tell them to seek relief through masturbation, but through God's provision of marriage...

Ahhhh, God's provision of marriage. So, we need to keep a teenage boy's hands of his thingy until he can't take it anymore and gets married. Good to know kids are getting married for the right reasons these days!

.... Masturbation weakens a healthy conscience and love for what is right, the very things that can protect one against such practices...

It's funny that this whole article, from a "Bible based" publication contains only a couple scriptures to support their point. It's almost as if the Bible doesn't really talk about masturbation or something....

Now for the fun part,

In fact, masturbation can lead into homosexuality. In such instances the person, not satisfied with his lonely sexual activity, seeks a partner for mutual sex play.

This happens more frequently than you may realize. Contrary to what many persons think, homosexuals are not born that way, but their homosexual behavior is learned. And often a person gets started when very young by playing with another's sexual parts, and then engaging in homosexual acts...

Hey, Greenlees, is that you? If only you hadn't touched yourself.... You know it IS true. Most people do look for another's "sexual parts" to have, uhhhh, sex. Funny thing though, a large majority of the population of guys look for .... WOMEN! Go figure, people look for what they fantasize about? Am I the only one slightly disturbed by some old man in a writing room fanta..... theorizing about how little boys get started being gay?

On how to stop,

Reading - even aloud - the Bible or publications explaining the Bible is one of the finest helps.

Maybe this is why so many people shout "Oh God" during sex? Masturbating to the Bible? Ewwwwww

But wait, there's more!

Proper hygiene calls for certain handling of the sex organs, and one might feel that this would be a temptation to misuse them. But because your motive is right - with the aim of avoiding sexual tension - you may well find that such care will instead help you to take a more healthful view toward these organs. You will appreciate that they were never meant to 'take you over' and rule your whole life.

So there you go, if you are the religious type, masturbate in the shower! Cause, "your motive is right", and all you're doing is cleaning yourself off, right?

Of the many insanities with the religious, this all out war against masturbation is something I just don't get. Generation after generation have all grown up with this stupid idea - that teenagers don't have hormones. And generation after generation they do. And then, religious "authorities" create a prohibition using convoluted logic from a book that never explicitly mentions it.