Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Some random facts about me...

Apparently, I've fallen victim to a 'tagging'. And now, I'm going to have to actually think about who to tag in return or I'm sure some disaster shall happen. I think this is where I tell about the bad luck runs and have all kinds of nasty mishaps happen....

Oh, anyway, Janet tagged me to post 8 random facts about myself! 8 random facts is easy, but 8 random interesting facts? Well.... Here goes...

1. I'm fairly certain that I'm the only guy in the history of time that liked (and owns) Phantom of the Opera, Ever After, and a couple other romantic comedies and "chic flicks".

2. I'm completely neurotic about emails and writing. I hate having to send any form of document (legal or otherwise) that I can't keep a copy of. Some reason, I always fear fecking it up. Even now, I'm pondering whether or not I properly did my taxes from 7 years ago, praying that they cross that mystical barrier before the friends from the IRS call. It's only really annoying when I have no access to whatever I sent off, so I can't check and make sure I didn't make some horrific mistake...

3. Entering kindergarden I still had difficulty with a great many things that were at my age level - I was actually placed in a "speech development" to learn how to talk properly, among other things. In 1st and 2nd grade things began to change radically. In 3rd grade, I became something of a child prodigy, writing my own "adventure" game for the PC. By 7th grade I knew assembly well enough to write my own assembler, a program to password protect the hard drive on my computer, and my very own bootsector on a floppy. For a final trick that year, I cracked fractal geometry and created my very own Mandelbrot renderer, which I used to save a BMP file I gave to the computer lab teacher. Needless to say, I had no life.

4. I was 6 feet tall by the time I was in 6th grade. This landed me in the very funny position of individually meeting several of the Harlem Globetrotters, as I happened across one on the way out of their show. The general reaction: hey guys, check out this kid, HE'S ONLY 12.

5. I have a background in child development and psychology and am qualified to teach High School in the state of Texas as soon as I fill out the paperwork. I swear, any day now, I'll get to it, I swear...

6. I lived out of my car and a friend's garage for a period of 3 months (mid May - mid Aug) when I originally came to Kansas City.

7. My brain is completely and totally split in terms of routine and organization and free floating ideas. I hate planned schedules, organized living spaces, and getting into a routine. At the same time, I'm extremely unlikely to change jobs - even the "temporary" assignments I've had in the past turned out longer than anyone originally intended or thought.

8. I'm a closet writer and have written chapters of novels, horror and science fiction and comedy short stories, plays, screenplays, poetry, character sketches, nonfiction collections, music and music lyrics. Despite having collected a lot over the years, I have only shown people a select few of the things I've written. Writing to me is about as personal as sex - I put so much of myself into it that, I have a hard time hearing the often well meaning criticisms of friends. Probably has a lot to do with how I grew up, and the value placed on individuality by the people I was around. At one point in time, a series of technical tutorials I wrote on graphics programming had reached #1 in google page rank, and I received a fairly regular amount of email with detailed questions on graphics programming. I've done some editorials, but nothing I'd admit to now...

I'm going to tag .... Suzi!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Hey guys, grow a pair...

So, I went to look up a copy of "The Dangerous Book For Boys" (will be delivered shortly, hopefully...). This book seems to hit a nerve in American society. Want to know why America is so out of shape today? I'll give an answer: blood.

We go home, and sit on our lazy asses doing nothing but clicking buttons on a video game controller. What happened to going outside, grabbing a skateboard or ball, and getting a bit bloody. We live in a sanitized world. Gone are the days when the toy dump truck had the razer sharp edges and staying out of trouble meant mom or dad didn't have to make a hospital visit.

The United States educational system is a profound mess at the moment - and having gone through teacher education and teaching I have some belief as to why. Teachers are obsessed with "discovery learning" and touchy feely bullshit. We don't rejoice in things that are "fun" anymore, we spend so much time being "safe" and caring about feelings.

Fun is demoing a thermite reaction outdoors, building rockets, and generally "breaking shit".

Even more interesting to me is the reaction of radical femanism to this book. Somehow the title "for boys" is bad. I hope that more guys stand up and say bullshit to this. It's time to go out, get dirty, and say "to hell" with mental health researchers that flat out - don't get it. Anyway, let's cut the shit and look at reality - the vast majority of males and females like different stuff. Nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with being a girl and liking boy stuff, and vice-versa.

Yea, maybe we shouldn't put on labels - but that doesn't stop them from being true. This book appeals to guys like catnip to a feline. We spend too damn much time feeling sorry for who we are.

I'm from German and native American heritage, and I'm proud of it.

I'm a male and proud of it.

I'm an American and proud of it.

Being proud of who you are doesn't mean you can't acknowledge the past and admit that there have been some nasty periods of history (or even present) about the group you came from. Anyway, it's time to have fun.

Sunday, June 10, 2007


I can recount the vast majority of events that led to my leaving my home city and coming to KC. I can vividly remember a great many things about the past year, small details, life events, things I did... I can picture events, tell what was happening - even stuff I did while drinking and intoxicated.

But, the first 22 years of my life, I don't remember. I know various facts, but this is a recent realization that is disturbing me.

I can't visualize my own mother, but I can recognize her. I can relate facts and life experiences, but only in so much as a history book could supply a summary - and the ones that I can relate, feel disjointed.

I looked through a photo album, saw pictures of my past. I couldn't tell you one name in all the pictures I saw. I couldn't tell you what was going on in the picture. I'm not talking about one or two isolated events - I'm talking about my entire life before leaving.

I can't remember the names of my favorite teachers from Kindergarten until Highschool. I know 2 highschool teacher names - because I went back there in the time where my memories start. I can't remember the house I grew up in for the first half of my life, how it was decorated, or who my friends were. I can't remember the religious congregation i went to or the people there.

I can relate facts about the major portions of my life, but I can't relive or replay any of it. The only things I remember are extremely traumatic experiences or very important ones, and those are limited to a strict handful.

If you asked me to come up with a list of 20 important memories before college or before I started leaving the JWs - I flat out couldn't do it. I really don't know if that's normal or not. I don't know what record of events I should have... All I know is that with the exception of a couple days, I'm missing the first 22 years of my life... From that point on though, I can replay it all in my head, and I guess the important thing is I keep making new memories, instead of focusing on those lost.