Patterns...

Why is it, every year, when January rolls around, I find myself at something of an emotional low? Not just the usual feeling down - no, a real, shitty, bad, emotional downhill. I don't know if it's the lack of sunshine, or just that I seem to end up spending more time in ze place instead of going out. Whatever. It sucks.

It sneaks into all aspects of my life. Just generally, it leaves me tired - an uneasy, drained tired, that no amount of sleep can help. But then, you can't sleep. But then, you can't not sleep. But you can't sleep. I don't know, maybe it's the post-holiday 'afterglow' is over, or still there. Whatever. So, instead of being in bed, where I'm supposed to be right now, I'm writing another fucking blog entry.

I'm frustrated. Pissed off. Tired. I'm tired of putting forth the 'happy face'. Things seem to be getting steadily better, but it just doesn't feel that way. I'll take a cue from the great George Carlin here, though without the comedy:

Fuck "God" - at least the God presented by all of the fucked up religious crusaders out there. You know, the schizo "loves you/hates you" God. He loves you, but stick your cock somewhere it shouldn't be a "zap". And like George Carlin says, he always needs money...

Fuck Religion - that nasty thing that caused so much pain in my life. Religion has done more to rip the world apart than any other force. A bunch of self-righteous blow hards yapping that their "God" is the real one and that their Holy Book is the jizz straight from that God's cock.

Fuck Family - I really appreciate the whole "we ignore you're evil" thing. Doesn't matter I'm the family leper, does it? Because I felt that your fucked up religion was slightly more evil than the other groups of God-followers. Oh, and that clearly means I'm gay, cause I must have had some 'reason'. News for you: Yes, I've been with a woman, and it was DAMN GOOD.

Fuck my "Friends" - yeah, all those people that have my number. How many people have called me since I moved to Kansas City? How many people have actually taken the trouble to hold a conversation with me? See why I left? Ask if I'm alive? Does it matter we were friends since I was 10? Does all that time we spent together mean nothing? Does it... Yeah, fuck you all.

Fuck women - you know, my views on women, and that they shouldn't be treated like cattle, started this whole fucking mess. Well, I'll stand by that view, because frankly, it saved me from a lot of pain and misery. But you are all STILL fucking insane, catty, bitches.